


Why Does It Hurt So Much?

by ignitethestars



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Coda, Coda fic-s02e13, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Manipulation, F/M, Hurt No Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-31
Updated: 2017-01-31
Packaged: 2018-09-21 02:08:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9527132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ignitethestars/pseuds/ignitethestars
Summary: Coda Fic for s02e13: Lucifer prepares to leave Los Angeles and thinks of what he's leaving behind and why.





	

Leaving Hell had been easy in the emotional sense. It was something he  _ wanted _ to do and it had felt right. There was nothing he was leaving behind--Maz was coming with him, of course.

 

But this…

 

Lucifer sighed as he ran his index finger against the cool surface of his piano. So many memories in this place...in his home. 

 

He wasn't use to having a home. Heaven hadn't quite felt like home either. Or maybe it did in the beginning and the centuries of anger and resentment had made the good times insignificant.

 

This was, quite possibly, the worst thing he ever had to do. But he was doing it for himself. Needed to. How could one have a home when there was no around who truly cared for you?

 

Mazikeen...well, she was  _ created _ to care for him. His own personal bodyguard who always saved his arse when he needed her to. Amendiel, well...he had his moments, but dear old mum had him wrapped around her finger.

 

And Lucifer highly doubted that Dan could possibly miss him. The idea was so absurd that Lucifer almost chuckled, but then he thought of the one person who made this decision so difficult...and also so necessary.

 

The Detective. The woman who managed to see all of Lucifer’s flaws--except the most obvious one, because the woman still stubbornly refused to believe him--and still love him for it.

 

And for the briefest of seconds, he had allowed himself to believe that this human, this amazing and incredible human who was immune to his charms, could actually fall for him on her own free will.

 

That he could love her back on his own free will.

 

And that was the cruelest and most devastating thing. Lucifer had the nagging suspicion that even if Father hadn't put her specifically in his path, he still would have fallen in love with her.

 

But the Detective? 

 

No. If it hadn’t have been for the circumstances of her birth, if it hadn't of been for Father’s meddling...Chloe Jane Decker wouldn't have given Lucifer a second glance.

 

Or maybe she would. He was, after all, devilishly handsome…

 

Lucifer exhaled once more, leaned down to pick up the last cover, and placed it on the piano. 

 

No point in thinking of what ifs now.

 

He flicked the light switch and walked to the elevator. His phone buzzed in his pocket and Lucifer fought the urge to answer it. He knew who it would be.

 

And as much as it pained him to ignore her, he had to. Because it wasn't real. None of it was. And eventually, maybe, Chloe would forget about him and move on. He hadn’t been lying when he told her he wasn't worthy of her. She deserved someone better.

 

Hopefully she would find that someone and make her choice of who she wanted to be with.

 

Lucifer squelched down the father awful image of the Detective with some faceless bloke--at least he wasn't picturing her with Dan, that was something.

 

The elevator doors pulled open and Lucifer made his way to his car. He cranked the ignition and turned the radio on.

 

A tune he recognized but could not immediately place began to stream from the speakers, but the melody soon turned into white noise as Lucifer took off. 

 

The roar of the wind and the blur of city lights weren't enough to distract him from the memories replaying in his head like a broken record of the Detective: arguing with her, telling her that he would never lie to her,  _ dying for her _ , her hugging him like there was no tomorrow, the Detective saving his home...their dinner at his apartment, the feel of her lips against his...

 

_ It wasn't real, _ he reminded himself again, but the question that had been on his mind since last night once again reared its ugly head.

 

_ If it wasn't real...why does it hurt so much? _

 

He forced the question away once more. Soon enough, he would be away from all of this nonsense. Away from his manipulative mother, away from Lux, away from Chloe, away from the staged happiness his father had created for him.

  
And maybe after a few drinks--more like a dozen--and a couple one night stands...well, maybe the ache in his heart would fade 

**Author's Note:**

> That episode was a huge kick in the feels, so naturally a coda fic was in order.
> 
> Leave comments if so you desire (gotta love them puns) as they make my day and I would love to hear feedback!


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